Livin' LARGE

I'm eating a lot again, I don't really care anymore.. Whats the point in being skinny anyway, nothing will change but a physical appearance. Maybe people will look at me differently, but they'll threat me the same. Judging a book by it's cover is not the way to go. I want things to happen naturally, but coincidence and not by force. Yesterday I had my mind in football almost the whole time I was at school. I should've joined the Lincoln football team, but at the time I felt puny, I still do. I know my limits now and what I'm capable of doing. I feel that if I really really really try to do something, I can do it. I just get tempted to get pushed aside often.. very often. I pictured myself being a 200 pound wreck train, but these pictures won't come true, it's all in the past. Wouldn't it be nice if life had a rewind button or a re-do button? I ran my mile yesterday at a really slow pace, I feel like I'm falling behind again, but who knows.. I'll test myself again tomorrow. I want to go bowling, but I don't want my parents to be upset with me. Things are very weird in my family, we never eat together, never travel anywhere, we're just like the earth, going round and round but never really a change. Today I went to eat lunch with Andy, really great and entertaining talk. He's changed a lot and I admire that. He's immature at times, but he knows how to control things, just like me. I went to Jimmy's house to eat chips after because he kept taunting me with how good they were so I wanted to go over there and eat his whole damn bag, I was too full though so I had a little. We watched parts of a couple movies for like an hour then he started doing his hw. I tried to do hw and study, but I couldn't because my mind said "it's due next week, relax homie." I did manage to get a couple chem and calc problems done before I left. I had a pretty fun talk with my "second mom." I youtube'd until the point where I got sick of it. I listened to a lot of slow songs that really calmed me down, Secondhand Serenade is awesome, try it out. I took a chem quiz this morning, half on nomenclature- which I bombed, the other half was Lewis structures, hybrid bonds, and electron geometry which I nailed. There were extra credit problems, I think I got 1/3. Chem is starting to slip away, but calc is starting to get at me. It's really funny how things work, some things are meant to be. Hopefully I can have both subjects handled.

P.S. My mind is still on you